So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
