we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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