Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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