Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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