question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
pray to the hookup gods
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