I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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