2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
