that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
