Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize