Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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