Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
