you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wanna passion pit in your ass
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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