96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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