I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize