think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
