i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
