Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
