When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
the raccoons are back...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
