I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
