im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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