come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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