I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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