she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
