awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ruined the universe
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