2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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