Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
