I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
