i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
