Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
