i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
