i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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