it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
