This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
