Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
