Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
