is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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