I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
