She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
