We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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