90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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