My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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