i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
as a side note pls kill me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
