Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
