I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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