Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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