Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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