I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
