do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
