you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
