if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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