Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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