bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
