don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
