Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
