rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
