TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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