he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I didn't notice because vodka
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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