Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
