so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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