Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
