I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
