My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
