I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
